I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
