She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
