Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i barfeds in our rink
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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