I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
