i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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