the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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