he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
