i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
