apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
