He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
