I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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