everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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