I heard we made out
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
