Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
