Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
