My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
