I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
