thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
