remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Enjoy the penises
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
