first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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