My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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