Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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