if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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