It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
