First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
