Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
