I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
