I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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