she was so not down for the gang bang
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
