I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
