Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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