wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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