FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
