half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to wash the frat house off of me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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