Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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