just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
