I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
