my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
