You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
