It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are the jesus of drinking
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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