I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
