i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
