great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
