It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
