This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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