In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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