called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
