I just pynch a tree in the face
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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