Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
