Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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