This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
