I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
