I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize