you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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