I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
