she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
