they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
