I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
