a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
time to smoke my breakfast
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is Oprah even human
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
