dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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