I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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