smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
