I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
