from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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