I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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