And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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