hotel room ftw
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
