You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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