I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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