K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
