You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
